The one about the sex addict

I frequently visit and post on a website called Talkin Broadway, which is a message board to discuss theatre and Broadway. Check it out here http://www.talkinbroadway.com/allthatchat . Some of these people are freaks, but I love it. I know, it's pretty queer. Anyway, someone posted on the message board requesting feedback on a show in London called Tim Fountain: Sex Addict. Someone posted back saying that he was a 22 year old homosexual and he and his friends had seen it and were really offended by the show. So, naturally, I had to visit Tim Fountain's website to see what the fuss was about.

So, here is what I learned.

Tim Fountain: Sex Addict is a performance piece that is being presented at the very prestigious Royal Court Theatre in London. And this is what happens during the show. There is a website, http://www.timfountainsexaddict.com where you log in and create a profile with a picture, like an online personal ad. When the show starts, people who have online profiles go into a chat room where they can chat with Tim. Then, Tim asks who wants to shag tonight. Then, he'll ask who wants to call him tonight. Then the audience, who this is all happening in front of, chooses someone for Tim to shag. Tim, then gives the person a telephone number and they call in to the show and he talks to them. This is repeated with several people calling in. You are asked where you live and if you live too far away then the audience can't vote for you. But, if you live close enough to the theatre or Tim's apartment, you can be in the running. But you will need to be able to meet up with Tim within an hour and get home after the shag. Then, Tim asks the audience if anyone in the theatre wants to shag. Finally, the audience votes on who gets the shag. The winner is then given Tim's phone number, I think, or his address or you give him your address, and the meeting is arranged for that evening. Now, I think that Tim videotapes the encounter, as it was alluded to on the website and I guess he shows it to the audience the next night. Though I'm not sure about this last part. You can go on the message boards on the website and read Tim's review of his shags as well as review's of Tim's...umm...performance by people he has shagged.

Ok, is this the most fucked up thing, ummm...I don't know...ever? I'm not sure whether to be repulsed or turned on. Both perhaps? Part of me thinks I would totally do this, though my friend Moss thinks I'm much to modest. He's right. I guess that this is an interesting social commentary about the blurring of personal and private, simply exposing (pun intended) sexual behavior that is incredibly common and creating a forum to discuss and, I guess, celebrate it. Something about this seems so liberating. I don't know. And it's not the idea of disease that frightens me about this, it's the danger Tim is putting himself in. The producer part of me is terrified of the insurance and legal issues that might arise out of this.

Ok blogging friends out there, would you participate in this? And do you think this would go over well in America? I imagine it won't be long before Fountain makes it to our shores.

The one about the secret

Last night, I went to Princeton, New Jersey to see a new play called The Secret in the Wings. The play was written and directed by a Chicago based artist named Mary Zimmerman. Mary is one of the most talented people working in the theatre today. Several years ago, my office produced her play Metamorphoses, which was an adaptation from Ovid set in and around a swimming pool, on Broadway. Anyway, I am a huge fan of her work. The Secret in the Wings is framed by the story of Beauty and the Beast and incorporates several obscure fairy tales. The way that the play is structured is that it tells the beginning of one tale, then stops and begins another. Then in the middle, one story is told all the way through. In the second half, the end of the stories are all told in reverse order. So by the end, we are told the ending of the first story. It really is a remarkable achievement. What I loved about it was that it revealed the macabre and dark elements of these stories. It told stories that have been co-opted as children's literature in a very adult kind of way. I have linked to the play's website here http://www.mccarter.org/thesecretinthewings/sitw.htm. Turn your sound on as the music is gorgeous. If you click on photos, you'll see a really neat slideshow from the piece with the haunting sound design. It really was visually striking and I know that some of the images will probably stay with me forever. Vixanne, even though you hate plays, you would love this.

The one about the coronation (or thoughts on the end of the world)

A coronation is defined as the act or ceremony of crowning a sovereign or the sovreign's consort. Though we are told that we live in a democracy and that freedom is valued above all else, there is a coronation happening in Washington D.C. today, or, as I like to call it, a forty million dollar pep rally, for the man who will leave his mark on history, if there are even people around to study history, as the person who began the tangible destruction of the world.

Now, I'm not really a political person, I guess becuase I consider myself a pretty normal person and I think most people share the same core values and beliefs I do. We're all people after all, right? Well, this is a naive and limited world view I am afraid. Today, I cannot think of one person I know whose life is not touched in some way by the policies and views of the monster sitting in the White House. Now, he would have you believe that he's just a good old Texas boy who loves his country and the people who live in it. This is a lie and it is truly frightening. This administration has systematically attacked the rights of women, gays and lesbians, the elderly, children, immigrants, and even the military. No one is safe. And it's not the big bad terrorists we have to fear in the near future. It is our government. Wait, are these two enemies just one in the same?

There is a fascinating article in this week's Village Voice http://www.villagevoice.com/news/0503,perlstein,60130,6.html that talks about, among other things, how Bush's proposed overhaul of Social Security will give the government carte blanche in a host of other areas, and anyone who voices dissent will be accused of harming your retirement fund. Does this scare you? It should. Oh, dear reader there are so many things to be afraid of now.

The next time someone tells you how wonderful Bush II is, ask them if they are willing to send their father, their husband, their brother to Iraq to fight this war. How much safer will you feel, with your loved ones there? But I propose something different. Rather than having his daughters parade around Washington in designer gowns, or posing in Vanity Fair, why doesn't W send his daughters to Baghdad. While I'm sure they are needed in the D.C. school system, I think we need them more in Iraq. Don't you agree? Wouldn't that be the ultimate statement of support for this war and their father's policies? Send them over there if this battle is so important.

In the meantime, enjoy coronation day. Now remind me again, what did they do while the Titanic was sinking? Oh right, they played music and danced.

The one where I go all kinds of crazy over Project Runway

Project Runway is a new reality show on Bravo. It airs on Wednesday nights at 9pm and for those of you not watching, I suggest you start doing so immediately. The concept is simple. A search was done for the twelve top undiscovered fashion designers in the United States. These twelve people are brought to New York, given posh digs and studio space at Parsons. Every week they have a challenge and are judged by a panel including Michael Kors, who seems like such a bitter sad queen, Nina Garcia, who is the fashion director at Elle Magazine and is such a raving bitch she must be seen to be believed, a guest judge and host Heidi Klum, whose inability to grasp the English language is simply baffling. After the judging, someone is declared the winner, they get immunity in the next challenge, and someone is out. At the end, the final three contestants will each get a show during Fashion Week in NYC. The winner gets a spread in Elle Magazine, a mentorship with a Banana Republic design team and $100,000 to start their own line. The contestants include:

Daniel- He got voted out in the first episode where they had to make outfits from stuff you would buy in a grocery store. He tailored a jacket from butcher paper then binded the edges with tin foil and it looked like, well...butcher paper with foil on it. Plus, he was all new new agey and spouted this bullshit about "finding your bliss". Good riddance.

Mario- Mario was voted out in episode two where they had to use cotton jersey to create an outfit with the word ENVY as inspiration. Now, I liked Mario. He had a "fuck you" kind of attitude that I thought was cute. But, he was lazy and the judges called him on it. Bye Mario!

Starr- This basket case was voted out in week three where they had to design a holiday party dress for Banana Republic. Starr's outfit loooked like a chorus dress from a community theatre production of Chicago. When she got booted, she flipped out. Was it really that much of a surprise Starr?

Vanessa- Vanessa was great. She was British and a bit older than most of the others. Vanessa seemed to be very successful in her own right and her designs were great. But last week, they had to work on teams to create a rock and roll outfit. This was hard for Vanessa because it wasn't her design they were constructing and she isn't a good sewer. When the judges asked each contestant who should be out, Vanessa said her own name. How fucking stupid! So out she went.

Alexandra- Alexandra is from Florida. She's young and pretty and so boring. No wonder she doesn't get any time on camera.

Robert- Robert is a women's tailor. He's very good looking and completely goofy. The way he emphasizes words when he speaks is hysterical. I like Robert. He seems nice. But his work doesn't stand out and he won't make it to fashion week.

Nora- Nora has a mohawk. She's the youngest one there. She is certainly talented, but her inexperience manifests itself in her immature behavior. Last week, during the rock and roll challenge, Nora walked out of the studio in a huff while her team was on deadline and spent the rest of the time crying. I don't think Nora will be around much longer. She may be in the final five.

Austin- Austin Scarlett is the biggest queen I've ever seen. He makes me look like Tom Selleck. His background is in theatrical costume design and it shows. His work, while beautiful, isn't really realistic and while I think he has endeared himself to the viewers, he'll probably be the next to go.

Wendy- Wendy is the oldest contestant. She always talks about her strategy which is so stupid. There is no strategy on this show. The decisions are in the hands of the judges, not the contestants you asshole. After a rocky start, Wendy has shown that she is capable of good work, but I don't think it leaves much of an impression. Plus, I just don't like her.

Kevin- Fashion apparently is Kevin's family's business. So he is one of the more skilled competitors. He's also been listed on the show as being both 37 years old and 44. Hmmm. His designs are consistently lovely and last week he won (which was a bogus decision, but anyway). He'll be in the final 3.

Kara Saun- Kara Saun has designed clothes for some pretty famous people. She seems to be the most skilled technician of all of them and her designs are innovative and wearable. She's great. Everyone calls her Kara Saun when they refer to her which is weird. I mean, that's her first and last name. She'll be in the final 3 and she might win.

Jay- Jay is my favorite. I looove Jay. He's big and loud and smokes and wears huge sunglasses and Pucci print scarves on his head and mink stoles and...he's just great. Jay's style is punk rock, edgy fabulousness. He should have won the Banana Republic challenge and he should have won the rock and roll challenge. He didn't, but I predict he'll win the whole competition and that's all that really counts. Here's the link to his site http://www.jaymccarroll.com I don't like his men's clothes and the picture of the dude at the toilet is just weird.

I think the reason I love this show so much, aside from the fact that it's so fucking gay, is that the contestants on it have real skill. They can do something that a majority of the population can't and they do it really well. Also, Heidi Klum has her own catchphrases, like before the judging she always says "In fashion you're either in or you're out. Tonight one of you will be the winner. The other will be out." And after someone is booted, they have to shake Heidi's hand and she says "Aufwiedersein" (is that how you spell it??) For sheer camp value alone, it's priceless. Anyway, I've written way to much about this, plus, it's on tonight and it's the wedding dress challenge. Tune in, there will be a quiz tomorrow.

The one where I wax about Vixanne

Ok. So my last post wasn't intended to be about Synge, but I had to explain where the name Mr. Artsy Hotpants came from and well, I just sort of went off. But, I meant everything I said about her. In the ineterest of equal time and so I can give you, dear reader, a sense of the people in my life, this post is dedicated to Vixanne. After this one, I swear, I'll get on to discussing more pressing things like Project Runway (the best TV show ever), and my upcoming weekend in Chicago.

I have been friends with Vixanne for 14 years. Jesus! We met in high school. I thought she dressed neat. She exceled at something I didn't, which was writing. I thought she was the coolest. I mistook that for burgeoning love which was confessed in a Hardee's Drive Thru (no need to relive the event- those reading this already know the details). We were inseperable for years. There was a time in college where we weren't so close, but I don't remember a whole lot about that time. Gosh, I keep writing that I don't remember so much about my college years that it makes me sound like a complete stoner or drunk. I was neither. Just boy crazy.

Vixanne knows absolutely everything about me. Everything. She knows me better than anyone except maybe my mother. And though she doesn't like to hear it, I know her. It's weird. I think we have this intuitive understanding of each other that we never talk about but has actually grown deeper over the years. We have a bond that is difficult to verbalize, but it's comfortable and valued and reassuring and sometimes a pain in the ass. It isn't always fun to have someone in your life who can call you on your shit all the time and be right about it almost all the time.

I love Vixanne becuase I can tell her anything and always know that she'll judge it. People who say they don't judge are so full of shit. I love Vixanne because she snagged just about the best man on the planet and she deserved it. Given her history with men, I actually find this feat truly amazing! I love Vixanne because she looks at the world through the same jaded lense I do. And she laughs about it. I love Vixanne becuase she still believes the world is full of possibility. But I guess I love Vixanne the most, because I never doubt for a second that she always has my back (that makes her sound like a badass which she is definitely not). I don't know how you can go through life otherwise.

Vixanne has been going through some serious stuff recently. Grown up shit. Adult problems. Stuff that when she told me about it, I was embarrassed to ask myself, "How does one be a grown up friend?" Her baby died. Is that right? Is that the proper way to say it? I find I can't ask her these things. Dealing with this is a huge leap from discussing how long H&M clothes really last and the morality of the latest outcast from Survivor Vanuatu. When she told me, I cried. I never, ever cry. So what do I do? How does one be a grown up friend? I guess I'm just me. I listen. I talk. I make jokes. And for now, I hope, that seems to be enough.

The one that is my first

As I write this, my first post, I keep hearing these lines from Gypsy "Here she is boys. Here she is world..." then, I like to add, Mr. Artsy Hotpants. It's strange putting yourself out here like this and it's even stranger for me as those who know me can attest, a quick witticism and a flip aside are always preferred over discussing emotions or anything that would show even the slightest bit of my vulnerability. But it's a new year and maybe I should get more in touch with my inner self, turn over a new leaf, as they say, and see what I find.

I was dubbed Mr. Artsy Hotpants by my dear friend Synge. Synge is someone who I sort of knew in high school. We were in the same group, I guess, but I never considered her a close friend or anything. We then went to college together, for a short time at least, I think. Those years are such a blur to me. Then, we fell completely out of touch. A little over a year ago, she moved to NYC. I called her, because I didn't know if she knew anybody, and she came over for dinner. I remember that night vividly, and I remember wondering why did I never actually talk to her before. I mean really talk. Or did I and just couldn't remember.

We've become good friends and I admire her tremendously. One night recently, we were walking in Union Square and I looked at her and noticed two things. One, she is indescribably beautiful. I don't know if it was her hair, or the way the cold air kind of illuminated her face or the green coat she wears that I love. The other thing I noticed or, should I say, occured to me, is that she has this incredible sense of who she is. In a way, it seemed tangible, like anybody who got close to her would know this instantly. Was it her walk? The way her boots pounded the sidewalk like an emphatic yes. The way her jewelry seemed to wear her, like her ring winking out from behind her cigarette proud to show off whose hand she was adorning. Did anyone else see this?

For a person who doesn't have that same sense of self, a revelation that someone does can really knock you on your ass. She might not know where she is going, but if you asked her right now who she is, I have no doubt she could tell you. In detail. And it would be eloquent and thoughtful. And true. And I think that's pretty cool.