The one about the ex (Happy Days?)

Last night Synge invited me to see a production of Samuel Beckett's Happy Days. If you want to feel really stupid, go see a Beckett play and then wait for someone to ask you what it was about. Fortunately, I had read the play and studied it a little in college so I knew what was going on and felt that its ideas dealing with ritual and memory were extremely relevant to the times we're living in. Still, Beckett isn't my favorite.

But this isn't the point of my post.

As I was standing outside waiting for Synge, I saw my friend K sitting in the lobby. So, I opened the door to the theatre to say hello to him and the first person I see is my ex. I'd like to call my ex, Asswipe. Though that name implies some deep hostility, which I really don't have, I like the word and I think that's what he is. So, I open the door and see Asswipe and instinctually, shut the door and say to myself, "Oh fuck". You see, Asswipe and I were together for about 4 years, we lived together for a time and by the time the relationship ended, things had gotten pretty bad. We've been broken up for about six years and though we live in the same neighborhood, we rarely see each other. Before last night, I had not seen Asswipe for about a year.

So, I go in and start talking to K and his friend S and Synge finally arrives. As we walk to our seats, I see that we are sitting right in front of Asswipe and his date. So when I get to my seat, I turn around and lean toward Asswipe and say, "Excuse me." No reaction. No answer. So I repeat myself and at this point, the date taps Asswipe and indicates someone is speaking to him. He looks up, I extend my hand and say "How are you?" I then introduce him to Synge. Asswipe pauses, then introduces me to his date.

The play started. When it was over Asswipe left without even saying anything to me. No goodbye. Nothing. He just darted out of the theatre.

I'm not sure why this bothered me so much. I guess, it's just that I'm a decent person and he's not and though I know that behavior is a reflection on him, I feel like it says something about me. There's long history there and I can't deny that or pretend it doesn't exist. Regardless, if I see someone who I know, I'm going to be decent and mature and it bugs the shit out of me when that isn't reciprocated. Asswipe was my first love and I always thought that I would hold a special place in my heart for him. But when I saw him last night, I realized that that wasn't true. Maybe it's because time and distance have provided clarity. Maybe it's because knowing and then not knowing someone wreaks havoc on the frailty of the human heart. Maybe it's because memory is not as powerful or forgiving as I thought.

But I didn't let him ruin my night and Synge and I had a fab time. Currently, I am nursing a hangover from a terrible mixture of Riesling, Apple Martini, and Abosulut Mandarin and Tonic. Not mixed together, but in rapid succession. Must take aspirin now. Happy Days indeed!